After a long and tiresome week, I finally got a Sunday to sit back and relax, go through the pages of the newspapers idly, relish the morning breakfast after waking up late in the morning. Yes, it was Sunday! Scheduled for the day, was a friend's meet at one of my favorite hangouts.....I was happy. I'd be meeting them after quite sometime. In between, a hell lot of things have changed...so much to discuss, so much to share..... Finally we met, we went yapping all afternoon. It was good, it was fun. I missed being with them.....but then something else was missing as well.
I missed being myself. I realized, I have changed. They were all the same. Their likes, dislikes, values, opinions were just as mine.....but then not any more. With time, my idealism have undergone a sea change. The way I look at things, the way i speak, the way i think.....they are no more the same. I guess city life has changed me. I miss being being on the countryside at time....that's were I grew up...that's where I have shed my skin of innocence and stepped into a world so harsh and crude.
I wonder if I am the only one who has changed! I wonder, is the change for good! The people I deal with in my daily life are so very different from them. Amidst busy life, manipulative people and wilderness, I am losing myself. A part of me tells me not to go with the flow blindly, the other half calls me despicable and blindfolds me and I lose myself in the flow dazed and hypnotized. The former part loses, the later wins.
Then, when I meet my old friends, the ones I grew up with, i get to revisit my past. I get to realize that the simple, innocent school girl who was particular about her morals and principles is still there in me....weak and feeble.....and wants to surface itself....But not everyday is a Sunday! I try and suppress her and feel bad about it but I am helpless....
Another Monday.... another week of work, expectations, struggle and hardships.....Time to get back to work!
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