As the curtains fell after the end of the scene, I knew it was time to leave the stage. The last scene was gory. I lay down on the floor…. bloodied, injured, cold and dead. The stage lights went off, I could hear the actors hurrying around, changing attire, applying makeup and rehearsing lines. There was hustle and bustle all around. I was in no hurry though…..

I have played my part. My role is over. I could hear applauds and whistles during my last scene. Truly speaking, I gave my best to it. When all others were busy preparing for the next scene, I sat silently in a corner and watched everyone. On my right stood some of my fellow actors…..they played the role of my family members. To my left stood some more co-actors, they were also related to me in some or the other way in the play --- friends, colleagues and associates and just opposite me stood my reel-life romance. He was engrossed in his script while the crew was giving final touches to his make-up. they were all busy, rehearsing lines that they would have to say in my funeral. Yes, I was dead…..or rather my part was over.

No, I am not sad. I have done my bit. True, I could have done it better. Maybe next time (next life). It was time for me to leave the stage as the director was about to call for action. The next scene was to begin.. I turned and stepped out and never looked back. The curtains were drawn up. I could hear the audience cheer. The sound faded. I retired to my rest room.

A new morning! A new sunshine!

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As I woke up in the morning and was about to step down my bed after a peaceful night’s sleep, a soft breeze brushed against my hair and few strands blinded my vision. I pulled them back and tied them in a bun. I opened my eyes wide and looked out the bedside window. The fat motes danced in the golden sun rays that fell on my body and accentuated my edges, thus making me glow.

I took a deep breath and let the rays penetrate me and touch my soul. It attenuated my heart and I felt one with the glowing sun up above there. I know not why my heart burnt though I could feel its warmth spreading all over my body. Was it burning down the bitterness that sores my heart each day or was it setting my passions ablaze?

They say a new morning brings in new hopes, new dreams….. I wish it was true. A small bird perched on my sunshade. I could hear it screeching and calling out for its dear one. The two frail trees that adorned the pathway down the lane seem to sway and kiss each other good morning. It was a lovely sight. I longed for a morning kiss, I wish I got one.

As the clock struck eight, I knew it was time for me to begin my day's journey. I wish I could sit all day long by the window side. I poured a cup of coffee for myself and squirmed and thanked God for a lovely morning in silent prayers.

Do I know myself?

After a long and tiresome week, I finally got a Sunday to sit back and relax, go through the pages of the newspapers idly, relish the morning breakfast after waking up late in the morning. Yes, it was Sunday! Scheduled for the day, was a friend's meet at one of my favorite hangouts.....I was happy. I'd be meeting them after quite sometime. In between, a hell lot of things have changed...so much to discuss, so much to share..... Finally we met, we went yapping all afternoon. It was good, it was fun. I missed being with them.....but then something else was missing as well.

I missed being myself. I realized, I have changed. They were all the same. Their likes, dislikes, values, opinions were just as mine.....but then not any more. With time, my idealism have undergone a sea change. The way I look at things, the way i speak, the way i think.....they are no more the same. I guess city life has changed me. I miss being being on the countryside at time....that's were I grew up...that's where I have shed my skin of innocence and stepped into a world so harsh and crude.

I wonder if I am the only one who has changed! I wonder, is the change for good! The people I deal with in my daily life are so very different from them. Amidst busy life, manipulative people and wilderness, I am losing myself. A part of me tells me not to go with the flow blindly, the other half calls me despicable and blindfolds me and I lose myself in the flow dazed and hypnotized. The former part loses, the later wins.

Then, when I meet my old friends, the ones I grew up with, i get to revisit my past. I get to realize that the simple, innocent school girl who was particular about her morals and principles is still there in me....weak and feeble.....and wants to surface itself....But not everyday is a Sunday! I try and suppress her and feel bad about it but I am helpless....

Another Monday.... another week of work, expectations, struggle and hardships.....Time to get back to work!