And with that another day ends. Right now it is 1.06 am in the morning, and I am still at office waiting for my cab to take me home. It was an usual day for me. Like any other day, I woke up late, had my breakfast after much coaxing by Maa and spent half the morning in idle pursuits, scolding myself for not churning out anything constructive, and at the same time making a promise of trying  something meaningful the very next day!!

Unlike most of you, my office hours start in the evening. No, I don't work for a BPO. I am a subeditor with the Times Of India. It was difficult dragging myself to the office today, like most other days. And once I was in, I was told about the pile of work that I will have to take care of! When in college, we were told that ours is a thankless job. We are the unsung heroes of the press! Well, now I know what it means!

 I dread seeing myself in the mirror at the end of the day. My hairstyle has gone awry and my eyes must have sunk in deep sockets. Anyway, what bothers me most at this hour is that I have wasted another day! There is nothing that I have done today that makes me feel good except drafting this blog post.

Realisations....

And then one fine day, I realised that I have grown up... Yes, I am a grown-up girl now, more mature, experienced, calmer than before. Looking back, I wonder how puerile I have been...

To start with, I don't shed tears watching emotional flicks anymore. I don't crib when I miss my favourite TV programme or skip a heart beat when my favourite actor appears on the screen... On a second thought, do I have a favourite TV programme anymore? Guess not!

Now that I think of it.... I don't even fiddle with my cellphone every five minutes, unlike what it used to be 2 years ago. I don't wait for the screen to blink with your name on it. I try and accept things the way they are...or so I think!

I can spend hours with myself! Me, myself and.... my books, laptop, albums and diary. I can go for a walk all by myself! Knowing me, it all seems so new, so different... It helps me connect with my inner self. Can't really deny that it makes me feel lonely at times..... but someone rightly told me once that if you befriend loneliness it wont scare you anymore.

Having said that, growing up has its flip sides too... You don't really fall asleep instantly as soon as u hit the bed unless u r dog-tired. I stay up for hours worrying about how to clear the mess that bothers me, sometimes even chokes me....I know I will get used to the feeling in sometime. Cant really skip office work just because I don't feel like. Digging into chocolates and ice-creams without putting on unwanted pounds seems to be a far-fetched dream now.

Given a time machine, I would not like to avail it any longer... I am not anxious anymore.. Not that I am completely at peace with my present but still trying to take life as it comes with its surprises and shocks. Don't really know if tomorrow will be a brighter day but can't really stop hoping for better....

One more step ahead...

I chose to walk down the middle path
Laced by green fields on both the sides
As I let down my hair
I felt alive again.

The fear has finally died down
There is nothing to lose anymore
I can breathe in absolute peace now
My heart feels light and young again

I may not know what lies ahead

But the worst is over, I think
The wound might never heal, its true
but it would serve a purpose for sure

This time I wont trip and fall
As I have just learned to fly
This time I would touch the clouds
And don't need you by my my side