It hurts....

How does it feel like when the person you love the most gives you a cold shoulder? It bleeds.... You try hard to cope with it and move on in life. Every time you try not to think about it, you end up sulking and wondering what things otherwise could have been. However desperately you try, you fail.....the pain spreads on all over your body and cripples you. Sometime it even chokes you.

I feel numb, these days. Looking back, I wonder why did I land up in something like this. Where did things go wrong! I know, I would never get an answer to those endless questions that run in my mind all day long. When I go through the old pages of my life book, I often come across a smiling girl, a chirpy one, full of life who loves to live her life on her own terms. Nothing bogs her down except Maths exam. I realize its me.....lost in the ushers of time.

How long does it take to adjust to the reality! Did i deserve this? Maybe, I did. Maybe I am paying for the sins that I have committed. Maybe someone else is also scribbling something like this on a rough page or a blog and I am to be held responsible for it. I do not know. How long will I have to pay for my sins?

I wish I could have done away with all those small expectations and hopes that I had from life. I wish....with a sigh! Would I ever meet happiness again? Would life ever take a different course from here? I am yet to hear from.....

Vision....

As i look out the window from the fourth floor of Express towers, a warm breeze brushes against my face and the first thing that meets my eye is a congested road down the building. The fast moving cars, the traffic signals, some pedestrians, the hungry stray dogs and the half-fed urchins, all in motion. As the signal turns red, i can see the agitation in the eyes of the drivers; maybe because they are in a hurry to reach destination, maybe because the burning heat makes them go red just like the signal or maybe because every time they halt at a signal,street urchins come running with long arms to beg for alms. Whatever might be the reason, the color of the congested road is Red. I see it so. The youngsters just out of a hep coffee shop down the street does not wait for the signal to turn red though, they try and cross the road with little tact and a lot of energy. They have no time to wait. You can get to see the redness in their eyes as well. Their warm red blood is charged with vigor and verve and it reflects on their eyes. A couple standing at one corner of the coffee shop seems to be the only exception in this whole commotion. I can see the girl smiling as the guy removes a strand of hair from our forehead......Once more the colour that i see is red, the color of passion, love.....

As i lift my gaze to the tall buildings and lush trees at a distance, the color changes.....This time its Green....but i wonder; is it the color of growth and regeneration or the color of envy! Every building seems to show itself off in the midst of concrete. The lush green trees in between are a relief though..... but then again, they are fast fading as more number of concrete giants are leaping up everyday. As a small bird takes its flight towards the empty blue sky above, I lift my gaze further.

The bird flutters its wings and disappears in Blue, the color of wisdom, depth and stability. Every time a white cloud floats by, it unfurls blue. The color soothes my soul and reminds me of the famous quote; “In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.”